Discernment
counseling is an approach tailored to specifically work with couples in the
process of considering the future of their relationship.
Approximately 30% of couples who enter into couples therapy are qualified as
‘mixed agenda’ couples, meaning there is one partner ‘leaning out’ of the
relationship, considering moving forward with separation or divorce; the other
‘leaning in,’ meaning they are hoping to save and strengthen their
relationship. Of couples that are already proceeding forward with the
divorce process, approximately 40% are deemed ‘mixed agenda’ couples.
This creates a difficult starting point for couples therapy and can often mean
that couples counseling falls flat before it can get to the root cause of the
problems between partners.
The
average legal cost for divorce is $15,000. Paired with emotional
distress, impact on children, financial constraints, and the social
implications, it is important to make an informed choice about this important
relationship. The goal of discernment
counseling is to provide a structured, brief approach to ‘mixed agenda
couples’, in which partners gain clarity and confidence on which path to
choose. Partners utilize sessions to explore their relationship history,
emotional injuries, whether they believe their problems are solvable, the
impacts on their life and children, their role in getting to this place in
their marriage and their emotional needs. The role of the therapist is as
a facilitator and processor, utilizing a nonjudgmental stance in the room, and
working with each partner to explore their own longings, needs, roles, and
injuries in the relationships.
We
support clients to gain confidence in their decision to either move
forward with couples therapy, divorce, or remain in the marriage.
Discernment Counseling can also be a helpful starting point for couples that
are unsure if they want to commit to couples therapy. Couples and
therapists can often struggle to gain traction in session f they are feeling
protective, ambivalent or lack clear goals. Once a couple feels their
issues are solvable and they want to make the transition to couple’s therapy,
we provide referrals to couple’s therapists that are trained and skilled
in your particular areas of need.
Separation
and divorce are a huge transition for all parties involved. Individual
therapy offers support with: grieving the loss of the relationship and future
plans; coping with distress, anger, depression, anxiety, financial constraints,
and exploring the impact on how you view yourself.
If
couples decide to divorce, the focus shifts to providing support to the
children. Parents can utilize services to transition from a couple to co-parenting
individuals. We provide Co-Parenting and Family Therapy services to
facilitate secure and stable family connections going forward. Research shows
that children’s ability to cope with divorce tends to reflect and follow the
parents’ ability to cope. Children look to their primary secure attachment
figures in their life for guidance through distress. Family Therapy can
be an important tool in providing a safe space for partners as well as for
children to explore their difficulties with navigating this new world.
http://www.thecenterforconnection.com/
What is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotionally
Focused Couples Therapy supports couples to renew feelings of love and
connection. It is proven to be effective in helping couples build trust,
communicate clearly, and resolve conflict. EFT focuses on helping couples
develop the tools necessary to express needs and desires safely. Couples can
learn to trust that their partner is available to hear what they’re feeling,
and respond in a way that is constructive and loving. EFT will help you develop
close emotional connections with others in your life, as well as improve how
you feel about yourself.
If
you have tried therapy before, chances are you’ve had some positive results. In
many cases, however, those results may not be long-lasting. Many methods of
therapy only give you the tools to patch a particular situation. These tools
help temporarily, but they are sometimes only a quick-fix. They do not address
the deeper hurts, the painful struggles, or the roots of the problem. The
greatest benefit of EFT is that it gets to that root of the problem. It
provides real, visible results.
When
you can say, “I need you to be present. I need you to show me love. I need to
believe you are really here for me,” you can allow yourself to open up to
accepting your own needs. When you can hear your partner, or even yourself, ask
for those deep, basic, emotional needs to be met, you can better provide them.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy will guide you to a place where you feel
safe and comfortable truly expressing and understanding these essential needs.
Does EFT Work?
EFT
is extremely effective, especially in the long term. Rather than focusing on
the small details of specific disagreements, EFT allows you and your partner to
look at the bigger picture of how you relate to each other and where you
disconnect. It goes deep down to the root of the problems, rather than just
pruning the branches.
EFT
depends on a solid, trusting, safe client/therapist relationship. The Center for
Connection, Healing and Change in Woodbridge, VA has several therapists with
experience in EFT, who will work with you to develop an honest and transparent
relationship. In order to help you change, our therapists will support
and encourage your emotional recognition and expression, and stand beside
you when you begin to get in touch with any fears, longings and unmet needs.
The deep empathy involved in EFT relies on a close, professional,
client/therapist relationship.
The
biggest difference between EFT and other forms of therapy is that EFT will
actually help you and your partner truly care for each other again. It helps
you connect in a secure and positive way that can only improve your
relationship.
Feeling
love for each other again is fostered by strengthening your attachment to each
other. Strong attachment bonds lead you and your partner to feel safe together
and know you are the most important person in each other’s lives. EFT
strengthens these bonds by allowing you to open up to each other in a safe and
secure environment.
In
a sense, EFT is almost like rewiring the way you approach and engage in your
relationship as a couple. EFT gives you the tools to recognize and then ask for
what you really need in a relationship. It helps you reconstruct how you and
your partner connect on an emotional level, which helps you establish deeper
trust and understanding.
What does the research say?
EFT
relies on a three-stage, nine-step procedure that will be tailored to your
specific needs. The methods and effectiveness of EFT are widely accepted in the
scientific community. Research by the original founders, Dr. Susan Johnson and
Dr. Les Greenberg, has been professionally published and repeatedly explored
and retested for more than 30 years. The research shows that EFT really works
with family and couples counseling: approximately 90% of
couples who participated in EFT research studies reported that their
relationship “significantly improved”—no matter how much they had previously struggled—after undergoing
Emotionally Focused Therapy.
Emotionally
Focused Therapy is a tried and tested method that will provide you and your
loved ones with the ability to truly connect and respond to each other at a
deep emotional level.
Get
in touch with our Intake Coordinator today, who can help you get started with
an EFT therapist.
http://www.thecenterforconnection.com/
